


shut up and drive thru my heart

by fornevertash



Series: Kinkalot 2020🌶 [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bad Flirting, Bad Puns, Bottom Merlin (Merlin), Crack Treated Seriously, Dirty Talk, Fluff, Gwaine Being Gwaine (Merlin), Humor, Kinkalot 2020, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Possessive Arthur, Semi-Public Sex, Sex in a McDonalds Break Room, Top Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25895779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fornevertash/pseuds/fornevertash
Summary: “I’m sorry, sir,” Merlin was saying in a bland voice, “That’s not on our menu. What kind offoodcan I get you tonight?”“A quarter pounder combo, though what I’d really love to pound is your—”
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Kinkalot 2020🌶 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900918
Comments: 22
Kudos: 302
Collections: Kinkalot 2020





	shut up and drive thru my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Kinkalot Bonus Challenge for the Prompt: Dirty Talk
> 
> Thanks to MerthurAllure for checking this out for me and when I was humour!flailing. 🙃

The moment Arthur walked into the room, a spare headset was thrown with alarming speed right at his face. He yelped and only his fast reflexes saved him from being beamed in the head with black plastic.

“Gwaine, what the fuck!”

“Shhhhh!” Gwaine gesticulated wildly, gesturing for him to put the headset on. “It’s the black and red lambo!” He pointed out the window at the car just pulling up to the speaker, “This is going to be so good.”

At his place at the drive thru register, Merlin shot Gwaine a dry, unamused look and then rolled his eyes. 

Arthur tugged on the headset just as Merlin drawled the traditional greeting, “Welcome to McDonalds. What can I get you today?”

“Oh sweetheart, I was hoping it would be your gorgeous voice I’d hear,” Arthur froze as the sultry voice crackled in his ear. 

Gwaine, from his spot hiding under the drive thru counter, nearly vibrated with glee.

Merlin rolled his eyes again, “How may I help you, sir?”

“Mmmmm baby, I love it when you call me sir. What I wouldn’t give to have you moan it in my ear while your legs are wrapped around my hips.”

“What the fuck is this, Gwaine?” Arthur whispered harshly, kicking Gwaine multiple times in the shin while the man cackled shamelessly. 

“This dude is like IN LOVE with Merlin,” Gwaine stage-whispered back, finally getting his laughter under control. “Every time he comes through the drive thru, it’s fucking hilarious.”

“Why the fuck didn’t I know about this sooner?” Arthur hissed.

“Because you’re so protective of your sweet wittle boyfriend, you’d ruin all the fun!”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Merlin was saying in a bland voice, “That’s not on our menu. What kind of _food_ can I get you tonight?”

“A quarter pounder combo, though what I’d really love to pound is your—”

“Will that be all, sir?” Merlin interrupted smoothly. 

Meanwhile, Gwaine had whipped out his phone to take multiple pictures of Arthur’s face which was twisted somewhere between confusion, constipation, and horror.

“No, I’d also like a caramel sundae. I bet that’s how you’d taste. Sweet and creamy when you’d come in my—”

“Would you like anything else?” 

Arthur focused on breathing evenly, delirious with rage.

“I would order a happy meal but,” Arthur could hear the pout in this asshole’s voice, “You’ve already said you’re not on the menu.”

“That’s it,” Arthur said through clenched teeth, “I’m going to kill this pervert.” He turned to stomp to the exit but Gwaine tackled him to the ground by the legs and Arthur made a squeaky ‘oof’ sound as he crashed to the floor. 

“Come up to the window, sir. Your food will be ready in just a couple minutes,” Merlin said, completely ignoring the two men now rolling around and wrestling at his feet.

“So when can I schedule our date?” the man smiled winningly once he pulled up, revealing even, blindingly white teeth. 

Merlin leaned his elbow on the windowsill and regarded the man like a particularly annoying housefly. “When McFlurries fall from the sky.”

“...Gorgeous and funny, you’re absolutely irresistible! Well, if you’re going to turn me down, the least you can do is tell me your name.” 

“Gwaine,” Merlin answered, without missing a beat. 

There was a snort and a muffled ‘hey!’ from beneath the counter.

“Ah, Gwaine. A beautiful name for a beautiful boy. You sure I can’t interest you in a date, Gwaine?”

“I have a boyfriend,” Merlin replied while passing over the food, and Arthur felt the warm glow that always suffused his chest when Merlin referred to him as such. 

“Too bad, sweetheart. Well if you change your mind,” he held out a sleek business card, “I wouldn’t be opposed to an evening showing you how many pretty little noises I could get you to make.” He winked raunchily, “I bet I could make you Guh-whine my name.” Merlin’s mouth fell open as the man gave him one more suggestive smile and sped away.

“Guh-whine… his name…” Merlin repeated dully, looking at Arthur and Gwaine who were both frozen on the ground, Arthur’s arm still around Gwaine’s neck in a headlock.

Then Merlin burst out into uncontrollable fits of laughter, clutching his stomach as he leaned against the counter for support. 

Gwaine and Arthur blinked up owlishly at him before pushing each other away and stumbling to their feet.

From his place at the front cash register Leon, their manager, sighed and massaged his temples. 

“Gwaine, take over for Merlin at drive thru. Merlin and Arthur, go take your breaks before the 5 A.M. rush.”

Merlin stayed for a moment to chat with Gwaine while Arthur ambled off to the bathroom, intent on splashing some cold water on his face.

He entered the breakroom to the sight of Merlin splayed out on the red couch, his eyes closed as he enjoyed a spoonful of caramel sundae. The image of Merlin, relaxed and with a smile playing at the corners of his lips, made Arthur’s mouth twitch up involuntary. Merlin was always so busy, running from class to work to the library, and frankly there were times it made Arthur dizzy watching him. Their relationship was just a month old, but already, Arthur wanted to spoil Merlin, to ease some of the burden that always seemed to weigh so heavy on his partner’s shoulders.

He took a seat at the end of the couch and not for the first time, he wondered when it would be a good time to let his boyfriend know that his family was very well off. Though, that was a bit of an understatement, Arthur grimaced, considering that his father was the 19th Earl of Devon and he was in line to inherit the title. In contrast, Merlin had worked hard and fought tirelessly for every advantage. The only reason he was able to attend Princeton Law School was because of two generous scholarships and he still had to work two part-time jobs to pay for everyday essentials and outrageously expensive textbooks. 

Arthur sighed heavily, telling Merlin about his family background would also mean telling him that the only reason he had applied for a job at McDonalds was to spend more time with the beautiful boy from his ‘Complex Civil Litigation’ class. 

Merlin interrupted his spiralling by poking him with the toe of his shoe. “Are you mad at me?” he asked, eyes wide and so very blue beneath long, thick lashes.

“No, of course not,” Arthur replied, grabbing the sundae from Merlin’s hand and putting it aside before pulling him into his lap for a gentle kiss.

“Jealous then?” Merlin draped his arms over Arthur’s shoulders and cocked his head in a manner that Arthur always found dreadfully endearing. 

“Absolutely, there’s a reason that you call me a possessive prat,” Arthur growled, stealing another kiss.

“Oh you don’t have to worry, I’m all yours. Besides,” Merlin smirked wickedly, “The only name I want to _‘Guh-whine’_ is yours.”

Arthur laugh-groaned at the horrible pun, “I still don’t understand why you tolerated that guy’s shit.”

“If I’m going to be a lawyer, I’m going to have to deal with all kinds of shit,” Merlin shrugged. “Besides, I think I've learned that dirty talk just doesn’t do it for me. It’s more ridiculous than anything.”

“Really?” Arthur purred, his voice deepening. “I feel as if I could make you change your mind.” Their relationship was still fairly new and their experiences in the bedroom had been delicious and satisfying but definitely on the vanilla side.

“Is that a challenge?” 

“It’s a promise, baby,” Arthur smirked as Merlin blinked at him.

Arthur brushed his fingers up into the thick, inky hair just behind Merlin’s ear and used it as leverage to pull him into a hot kiss. Merlin made a muffled noise of protest against his lips but softened almost immediately, allowing Arthur to lick the creamy, caramel stickiness out of his mouth.

With Merlin sufficiently distracted, Arthur’s hand snuck around the hem of his shirt, drawing feather-light arabesque patterns across the soft skin of Merlin’s taut belly, enjoying the twitch of abdominal muscles and Merlin’s sharp intake of air. With his lover sufficiently distracted, Arthur shoved the shirt up to Merlin’s collarbone, breaking the kiss to drink in the lovely sight of pale skin and rosy nipples.

“Arthur, what are you doing?!” Merlin gasped, “We’re at work!”

“We have seventeen minutes left of our break, are you really going to waste it protesting?” Arthur chuckled, the heel of his hand pressing hard against the bulge in Merlin’s pants. “Look at how hard you are… just aching for it, such a desperate little slut for me.” Merlin's mouth fell open, adorably knocked off-balanced by Arthur's dirty words.

Arthur dipped his finger in the caramel of Merlin’s sundae and dragged his finger over one pink nipple and then painted a trail down Merlin’s belly. Merlin squirmed deliciously, his eyes hazed as Arthur dipped his head and flicked his tongue over the quivering nub, never once breaking eye contact.

“Mmmm, so sweet,” Arthur rasped, sucking the pebbled flesh into his mouth and rolling it between his lips. Merlin’s breathy moan turned into a high-pitched yelp as Arthur bit down before soothing the hurt with little kitten licks.

“Shhhh, you’re going to have to be quiet,” his tongue followed the path of golden caramel down Merlin’s stomach, “If you don’t want to get us caught.”

“Arthur, _please_ ,” that note of desperation in Merlin’s voice made Arthur grin wickedly. Merlin had never sounded so needy so quickly before, it seemed he had a bit of an exhibitionist streak. 

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Arthur whispered against Merlin's belly. “You’re always so loud when I stretch you open on my cock. Like you’re taking me for the first time.” Merlin nodded frantically, eyes hazed with lust, inhibitions thrown to the wind.

He turned Merlin over and maneuvered him until he was bent over the couch. Arthur threaded his fingers into the belt loops of Merlin’s pants and pulled them down, just far enough to expose the curve of his ass and quivering thighs. He pulled apart those lovely cheeks and brushed a dry thumb over the pink furl, it contracted and twitched from the attention.

“If we had the time, I would smear caramel all over this needy little rosebud, lick it all up until you’re soft and open and begging for me to fill you up,” Arthur’s voice was dark and sinful and Merlin shivered uncontrollably.

“Please,” he gasped, “Arthur, please, I-I can’t...”

“Hold on sweetheart, let me just grab what I need to make you ready for me,” Arthur pulled away to head over to the lockers on the far side of the room, leaving Merlin bent over and exposed. Arthur fished around in Gwaine’s leather jacket until he found a packet of lube. 

Feeling drunk on the danger, the forbidden nature of their impromptu tryst, Arthur coated his fingers in lube and pressed one deep into Merlin’s yielding heat. Soon, he had three fingers rubbing against Merlin’s inner walls, stretching, curling and brushing up against Merlin’s prostate. 

When the younger man started thrusting back frantically, nearly vibrating with need, Arthur withdrew his fingers and used the leftover lube to slick up his cock. He pressed the head against Merlin’s clench, pushing until his hot body swallowed around just the broad tip of his cock. He kept a firm grasp on Merlin’s hips as he tried to push back and force Arthur to give him what he was desperately craving.

“Tell me who you belong to, Merlin,” Arthur rasped. “Tell me, who’s the only one that can whisper dirty things into your ear? Who’s the only one that can fuck this needy hole like it needs it?”

“You, Arthur, you, only you,” Merlin sobbed, “Now fuck me, please, please fuck me!”

Unable to deny his lover when he begged so sweetly, Arthur pushed forward, savouring the tight, grasping heat of Merlin’s body. The first push was always the most delicious, watching Merlin’s body twitch and shake and the sight of his pucker opening, stretching, blossoming, to welcome him inside; Arthur would never get tired of it.

Throwing a quick look at the clock, Arthur tightened his grip on Merlin’s hips and swirled his hips in a circular motion, knowing how much Merlin enjoyed the dirty grind of his cock dragging against every sweet spot inside of him,

“We don’t have much time, Merlin. I’m going to fuck you hard and fast. So hold on tight, darling.” Merlin tightened his grip on the top of the couch and nodded, his back covered in a fine sheen of sweat and Arthur wished he had the time to lick off every drop. 

Merlin inhaled sharply at the first hard thrust and Arthur enjoyed fucking it out of him in little breathy ‘ah’s. The pace became punishing and soon the dirty wet noises of their coupling echoed loudly in the room.

Arthur grasped Merlin’s waist and pulled him back flush against his body, wanting nothing more than to mark that lovely neck up with sharp kisses. He bounced Merlin down on his dick and wrapped a hand around his weeping erection, stroking him tight and hard.

“Come for me, sweetheart. Come around me,” he whispered, dark and dirty. 

Merlin came with what would have been a piercing cry if not for Arthur’s hand clamping down on his mouth, muffling the noise. Unable to hold out against the furious grip of tight, clenching muscles, Arthur emptied his load deep into Merlin’s pliant body. They collapsed forward, hearts racing and bodies limp and sated.

“Were you satisfied with your order?” Arthur quipped as he breathed hard against Merlin’s neck.

“Oh my god, Arthur, are you fucking serious?” Merlin giggled helplessly as he pushed Arthur’s weight off of him.

“We gotta get cleaned up, time _fries_ when you’re having fun.”

Merlin fell forward onto the couch laughing and clutching his stomach with his pants still tangled around his knees. Arthur grabbed a handful of wet wipes and cleaned up their mess, trying to hold a wiggling Merlin still so he could wipe between his thighs.

“But seriously Merlin,” he tugged his lover’s pants up and pulled him into his lap. “You’re… okay with this? I didn’t push you too far, did I?”

“It was unexpected but I… liked it,” Merlin admitted, peeking at Arthur through long lashes, then he dropped a kiss on Arthur’s mouth. “Ten out of ten for both service and satisfaction. I would definitely _come_ again.”

It was Arthur’s turn to laugh. “Merlin, that was terrible.”

“You love it.”

_No_ , Arthur thought, leaning in to steal one more kiss from that laughing mouth, _but I do love you._

**Author's Note:**

> Cheesy ending is cheesy. What were you expecting from a fast food fanfic? :D 
> 
> Real talks, now that I'm done with this fever dream of a fic, I'm moving on to burger things. Plz drop mcnuggets of wisdom in the comments. Love u all.


End file.
